I’m headed off to the Badlands today, but before I left I had to tell Thomas he wasn’t going. No, I know I really didn’t have to tell him, but I did anyway.
Actual conversation with the dog:
Me: Listen, I know you have no idea what I”m saying, but you can’t go on the trip. And I feel really guilty about it. You’re mad, aren’t you?
If it were a backpacking trip, we would totally take you. But it’s a photography trip, and you know how that goes. You’re always bumping the tripod or photobombing my pictures, and all my photographs end up looking like this:
You know it’s true. And this time there will be bison, and I don’t want to have a repeat of that unfortunate incident with the bear in West Virginia. That sort of thing wouldn’t go nearly so well for you with a bison.
I can’t believe I feel bad about this. Jon Katz says that separation anxiety isn’t really even a thing. Well, it’s a thing, it’s just more often a human thing. See? I’m proving his point exactly. You won’t even actually know we are gone or that we left you, will you? This is just a racket thought up by people to work my guilt and get me to spend exorbitant sums of money on your accomodations, isn’t it?
That’s what I thought. So you’re going to Chris the pet sitter’s house. You like Chris, and he walks you three miles every day, way more than I do. I have your attention now, don’t I?
Just promise that you won’t start to like Chris better than me, okay? Hey, Jon was right. Turns out that it’s me who has the separation anxiety.