I am thankful for things.
First, the golden autumn sun. She likes fall. And now, it’ll probably always remind me of her.
Second, the hedgehog socks my sister got me for my birthday last month. I try not to wear them for every day; only on days I know will be rough. My theory was that they’d last longer, as I am very rough on socks, but I’m wearing them most days now. Still, I think everyone would benefit from a pair of trouble socks.
Third, crusty hospice nurses. Not too sweet, but powerfully comforting. They know dying, and they’ve seen some shit, and they use it for the benefit of others.
Fourth, Mary Oliver. To wit:
“To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.”
Fifth: Peanut Butter. It’s just really delicious.
Sixth: My husband and my dog. They somehow have a compact on how to care for me. I don’t know the details, but it works.
There’s more. But it’s a good start.
Thought: It’s difficult to believe I’ll ever be ready to leave the world, because I love it, and I love life, even the hard parts. Even in this, there’s a feeling of privilege that I can love and feel and be here. But they tell me that everyone finds themselves ready to leave this world, and I can tell that my mother has gotten there.